It has long been thought that for a relationship to be successful, couples should never bring up old relationships or exes. Discussing the past is stigmatized as “wallowing” or even as getting “stuck” in the past and being unable to move on. Modern dating embraces a more holistic approach to a person’s dating history. It is no longer taboo to bring up an ex as long as the mention is within the context of an existing conversation, the point is relevant, and you are comfortable revealing the information in question. There are, however, a few points your date probably does not want to hear. Los Angeles matchmaking services offer the best advice for handling tricky topics when it comes to the past:
“Oh, my Ex bought me this.”
If your Ex bought you a present, it’s probably best to keep that to yourself. Either leave the item tucked away at home, or – if you must bring it to the date – treat it like any other personal property you own without emotional attachment or memories associated with it. If complimented on the item or asked directly, just state that it was a gift you’ve had for years.
“I came here on a date once.”
Dating in Los Angeles has its perks, and one of those is the fact that the city is so big. Chances of visiting the same restaurants or frequenting the same hangouts you used to with a new date are slim, but it still happens. Be gracious about this and, if asked, acknowledge that you have been there before, but that it was a long time ago. There is no need to note who you were there with or what the context was. Remember: it’s about who you’re with – not where you are.
“My Ex changed my life.”
An ex has hurt everyone at some point. Stating that your Ex made a lasting impact on your life, however, makes it sound like you haven’t entirely moved on from that relationship. Refrain from making comments about the various ways they influence your decisions and instead focus on your new date’s influence on your life.
“My Ex was terrible in bed.”
This one seems innocuous, but the truth is bedroom talk should be kept to an absolute minimum if brought up at all. If your Ex was terrible in bed and you stayed, your current date could think that they are also awful and you’re just not saying anything. Similarly, explaining an Ex was excellent in bed could cause self-esteem issues. Stay neutral and, if the topic comes up, acknowledge that there were good and bad times but you’re glad you moved on.
“My Ex made a lot of money.”
Aside from your ex’s finances being no one else’s business, this makes it sound like you focus on a date’s paycheck more than his or her personality. While it may be true that your Ex was fabulously wealthy, that has very little to do with the personal issues that ended the relationship. If asked, merely state that you believe it’s essential people pursue their dreams and do what makes them happy.
Don’t bring your ex on a first date! While it’s okay to discuss exes when you and your partner are confident about your places in each other’s lives, it’s critical to do so in an intelligent way without mentioning things that could harm the relationship. Elite dating services in Los Angeles can help increase your chances of being matched with someone who understands your relationship history, but details of past relationships should really be on a “need to know” basis. Live in the present and make the person you’re with feel special. After all, your current date is the person you hope to build a future with. There is no future in the past.